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“When you learn to say yes to yourself, you will be able to say no to others, with love.” – Alain Cohen

It can be one of the most difficult things we have to do – saying no. But sometimes it’s the right thing to do. As we navigate our way through our lives, we can’t be all things to all people. It’s natural that some opportunities, tasks, or commitments simply don’t align with where we are at this point in our journey. Learning to say no is an essential skill for protecting our time, energy, and well-being. While it may be uncomfortable and even against our nature to say no, it’s a powerful way to set healthy boundaries and prioritize what truly matters.

“Have the courage to be imperfect.” – Alfred Fidler

I say it all the time: “I’m a perfectly imperfect perpetual work in progress.” But this week, I get to dig deeper into what I mean by that. Our topic – progress over perfection – focuses on what we can gain by shifting from an all-or-nothing perfectionist attitude to one that cultivates progress, resilience, and excellence. When we realize it’s our progress that matters, and not our imperfections, we empower ourselves to grow – to be the best “work in progress” that we can be. 

“The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” – Nelson Mandela

When it comes to this week’s topic, finding strength amidst adversity, it’s not hard to find lots of inspirational quotes. In addition to the one from Nelson Mandela above, here are a few of my favorites.

• “Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.” ~ C.S. Lewis

• “All the world is full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming.” ~ Helen Keller

• “I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.” ~ Louisa May Alcott

"The most successful people are not the ones who never fail, but the ones who learn from their failures." ~ Angela Duckworth, Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance

It’s part of being human. We see a problem that needs fixing, or something important that needs to be done, and with the best of intentions, we do something that just turns out all wrong. We’ve made a mistake, and as I like to say, it’s all part of being a perfectly imperfect perpetual work in progress.

"The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity...You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward." ~ Amelia Earhart

When was the last time you didn't give up? What motivated you to persist? TENACITY is defined by Cambridge Dictionary as "the determination to continue what you are doing." However, as we all know, finding and growing this determination is hardly ever simple. Everyday, we feel overwhelmed by our seemingly endless tasks and responsibilities. However, we have the tools within ourselves to keep going.

3 TOOLS TO DEVELOP TENACITY

1. Growth Mindset - By remembering that we are all capable of learning and changing, we can overcome setbacks and determine what is within our reach.

2. Adaptability and Flexibility - When facing uncertainty, being able to adapt and pivot is essential to supporting our loved ones and giving them the care they need in the moment.

3. Positive Mindset - We ALL make mistakes and it's how we learn from them and grow that allows us to overcome doubt and build resilience.

Embracing our inner tenacity can be challenging, but by being PERSISTENT, developing REALISTIC OPTIMISM, and finding our COPING MECHANISMS, we can prepare ourselves for the hurdles we face and discover our determination to keep moving forward. Remember, you got this!

Check out our entire September newsletter focused on Tenacity here.

“When you choose to view your stress response as helpful, you create the biology of courage.”  ~ Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress

Our topic this week is coping mechanisms, and I want to talk about one particular skill – distress tolerance – which helps us manage and cope with crises or situations that trigger intense emotions.

If you’ve been following us for a while, you know I’m a huge fan of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), and distress tolerance is one of the four key skills of DBT: mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, emotion regulation, and distress tolerance. Each of these skills plays a critical role in managing difficult emotions and navigating life challenges.

“Life inflicts the same setbacks and tragedies on the optimist as on the pessimist, but the optimist weathers them better.”

– from Learned Optimism by Martin E.P. Seligman

At Courage to Caregivers, empowerment is one of the three areas we focus on for caregivers, along with education and support. This week’s topic of realistic optimism is all about empowerment. It empowers us to learn from our failures, view risks as opportunities for growth, and find gratitude even in unmet expectations. 

Now, the pessimist in you might say, “That’s a lot to expect from realistic optimism. Nothing can do all that.” But the realistic optimist might say, “I’m not sure it can do all that, but I’ll read on to learn more.”

“Success is not the absence of failure; it’s the persistence through failure.”  – Aisha Tyler

For caregivers, it’s common to feel overwhelmed at times and to be tempted to give up. But do you know what’s also common? Our persistence. Among all the traits associated with caregivers, persistence might be the most frequently mentioned.

Why? Maybe it’s because a caregiver’s tasks and responsibilities can feel never-ending, yet we still endure. And any progress for our loved one may be difficult to recognize, yet we continue to hope. And we may encounter many barriers between us and our goals, yet we maintain our commitment to do the hard work necessary to overcome them.

“Stress is not bad for you; being stuck is bad for you.” – Emily & Amelia Nagoski

One of the main challenges caregivers have to face is managing stress. This topic is so important at Courage to Caregivers that we spend much of our time looking for new resources and tools to help you manage stress. That’s because we discovered early on that stress is a natural part of caregiving – and of life – so we can’t eliminate it from our lives, no matter how much we would like to. What we can do is empower caregivers with the tools they need to better manage and cope with the stress of caregiving.

Managing and coping with stress are two different subjects, and we’ll discuss coping at a later date. This week is all about stress management, which involves developing a set of skills that help us eliminate the negative mental and physical responses that our bodies have to stress.

“Offering help is courageous and compassionate, but so is asking for help.” – Brené Brown

As caregivers, we often feel alone in our journey – in our pain, our joys, and our caring. But this journey of life was not meant to be taken alone. We all need a strong support network for ourselves AND each other.

Having a support network as a caregiver is essential, and it’s a two-way street. Supporting other people also allows us to contribute and feel valued beyond our caregiving role.  

Yet, it can be hard to ask for help. We all like to be considered strong, independent, and capable, and asking for support seems like a show of weakness. But asking for help actually shows incredible strength and courage. It takes a strong but humble person to recognize when help is needed and that it’s OK to ask. We are all imperfect, and we can grow by letting others help us through a challenge or a crisis.

There are 8 dimensions of wellness. If we think of wellness as a journey towards the healthiest, best version of ourselves - focused on our mind, body, and soul, we can embark knowing that, as caregivers, when we're healthy, we provide better care to those we love. 

The Ohio Department of Mental Health and Addiction Services (OhioMHAS) defines wellness as "a broad approach for things individuals can do at their own pace, in their own time, and within their own abilities, that can help them feel better and live longer." 

Wellness is also an essential component of RECOVERY. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) defines "recovery from mental disorders and/or substance use disorders as a process of change through which individuals improve their health and wellness, live a self-directed life, and strive to reach their full potential."

SAMHSA has delineated four dimensions that support a life in recovery:

1. HEALTH - Overcoming or managing one's disease(s) or symptoms;

2. HOME - A stable and safe place to live;

3. PURPOSE - Meaningful daily activities, such as job, school, volunteerism, family caretaking, or creative endeavors, and the independence, income and resources to participate in society;

4. COMMUNITY - Relationships and social networks that provide support, friendship, love, and hope.

According to SAMHSA, "Recovery emerges from hope: The belief that recovery is real provides the essential and motivating message of a better future—that people can and do overcome the internal and external challenges, barriers, and obstacles that confront them. Hope is internalized and can be fostered by peers, families, providers, allies, and others. Hope is the catalyst of the recovery process."

While we see ourselves in the caregiver burnout prevention business - empowering caregivers to better cope and manage the stress of caregiving - we know that our work falls solidly in the area of RECOVERY. 

Recovery IS possible. Both for our loved ones AND ourselves. Recovery isn't linear - it's a journey - with all the twists and turns that life brings. Recovery as a caregiver involves focusing on OUR health and wellness, too. If we don't take care of ourselves - sleep, movement, hydration and nutrition, as well as our mental health - how can we possibly care for someone else? 

Check out our entire July newsletter focused on WELLNESS here.

My time in my garden is precious to me. It feels very therapeutic to dig in the dirt. I love how the colors, scents, textures, and sounds activate ALL of my senses while I’m gardening. And there’s something magical about watching things grow and thrive before my eyes. My garden shows me that change for the good may be hard, but it is possible. My garden shows me HOPE. It’s my sanctuary.

“You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.” – Zig Ziglar

Our topic for this week, self-discipline vs. motivation, might sound like a competition, but it’s really more of a distinction. Self-discipline is the ability to make yourself do things you know you should do when you don’t want to do them. Motivation is a willingness to do something based on a desire to achieve a goal and an excitement about the process. While your motivation identifies your “why,” your self-discipline helps give you the “how” or the means to get there.

To introduce this week’s topic, move with courage, I want you to answer this question honestly: Are you in your best shape (whatever that may look like for you)? If not, have you considered that being out of shape may not only be keeping you from achieving your goals but might also be affecting the quality of care that you’re giving your loved one?

I know those are difficult questions, but we all need to face them. Amidst all of our daily responsibilities, we may tell ourselves that our personal health is a lower priority than other goals. Yet, when we realize that our personal health plays a role in our ability to fulfill all those other responsibilities, it’s easier to commit to staying active and being the best version of ourselves that we can be.

“Prioritizing good sleep is practicing good self-love.” – Unknown

This month’s theme is wellness, and one of the best ways you can promote your own wellness is to practice good sleep hygiene. As the above quote states, good sleep is part of self-love! And good sleep hygiene involves setting boundaries – with others and yourself – to make it a practice to get all the sleep your physical and mental health needs, each and every night.

Building on our recent themes of common humanity (as humans we all experience pain, suffering, and stress) and growth mindset (we have the ability to grow and learn) - the theme of EMPOWERMENT is nicely layered in. "There is no normal life that is free of pain. It's the very wrestling with our problems that can be the impetus for our growth." ~ Fred Rogers, The World According to Mister Rogers: Important Things to Remember. 

You've heard us say before - we can't remove the stress of caregiving. What we CAN do is empower caregivers to better cope and manage the stress of caregiving. This empowerment is what makes our work sustainable! We believe in empowerment so much that it's one of our core values. We define empowerment as strengths-focused, valuing abilities, goals, and learning. 

EMPOWERMENT is a process of BECOMING. ​​​​​​​​​WHO do you want to BE or become? WHAT do you want to achieve or accomplish? WHEN are you going to do that next right thing that sets you on the course of accomplishing your personal goals? What's your WHY - that reason you get up and out of bed each morning? 

3 TOOLS FOR MANIFESTING EMPOWERMENT

1. MINDSET: What you THINK you BECOME! Notice - what is your current mindset? How do you feel about it? Do you want to make a change? You can SHIFT your mindset - make a list of your core values - how you want to BE and become - and set a goal (or two) towards pursuing those!

2. SELF-AWARENESS: A better understanding of yourself and what your needs are is an important component of becoming who you want to BE. Analyze your strengths and opportunities for growth. How do you want to grow and what can you learn? YOUR feelings are important - you are worthy of love and respect (too).

3. COMMUNITY: Find a community that cares - that lifts you up when you can't stand - that believes in you, and your potential, when you're feeling low. Surround yourself with like-minded, motivated people who empower you to be the best version of yourself.

Check out our entire June newsletter focused on Empowerment here.

"The ability to say no to yourself is a gift. If you can resist your urges, change your habits, and say yes to only what you deem truly meaningful, you'll be practicing healthy self-boundaries. It's your responsibility to care for yourself without excuses." – Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself 

Can you think of saying “no” to yourself as a GIFT? It is – and it’s one of the best gifts you can give yourself. It’s also a responsibility. I see setting self-boundaries as part of my responsibility to care for myself, the same way I naturally see my responsibility to provide care for my loved ones. 

“Only when I am present for myself and compassionate with myself will I be prepared to host with strength and courage.” – Heather Plett

To introduce this week’s topic, here are some insights from How to Hold Space for Yourself First, an article by Heather Plett: “What does it mean to hold space for someone else? It means that we are willing to walk alongside another person in whatever journey they’re on without judging them, making them feel inadequate, trying to fix them, or trying to impact the outcome. When we hold space for other people, we open our hearts, offer unconditional support, and let go of judgment and control.”

What if we could do that for OURSELVES? Let go of judgment and control and give ourselves a huge dose of self-love, self-forgiveness, and self-compassion. As caregivers, we’re good at holding space for others, but we’re not always good at holding space for ourselves.

“UNICORN SPACE: the active and open pursuit of creative self-expression that makes you uniquely you.” 

– Eve Rodsky

We talk about a lot of weighty subjects in this email every week, but this week’s topic is all about having fun! Tapping into our creativity is a healthy and fulfilling way to have fun, and it can lead to self-growth and improvement on many levels.

Carol Dweck, Ph.D, author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, coined the terms fixed and growth mindset to describe beliefs around learning and intelligence.

Having a growth mindset allows you to BELIEVE in yourself and see yourself as growing. A growth mindset is our belief that we have the power to develop our talents and build our abilities. We can improve ourselves, develop new skills, embrace challenges, overcome setbacks, and reach our potential. Nothing but opportunity and possibility! 

"Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as being stuck somewhere you don't belong." ~ Unknown

Having a GROWTH MINDSET is truly the POWER of YET 🌱

When you learn the power of YET, you will forever and always change your language. When you begin to use this one small word - YET - it can make a profound difference. As caregivers, we often hear some of the following ... consider adding YET!

I can't do this ... YET

This doesn't work ... YET

I don't know ... YET

It doesn't make sense ... YET

I don't get it ... YET

I'm not good at this ... YET

Believe in yourself and ANYTHING is possible. BELIEVE ... that you CAN ... that you're WORTHY ... that you are ENOUGH. Believe in yourself and you're halfway there! When negative self-talk and self-doubt creep in, remember the word IMPOSSIBLE says it all ... I'M POSSIBLE. 

Check out our entire May Newsletter focused on Growth Mindset here.

“Don’t give up on the person you’re becoming.” – Unknown

Back in January, I set an intention to “find ME again” in 2024. This was the result of a rough end of 2023 for me as a caregiver. I was exhausted, and I longed for a version of myself that felt better, like my “old” self.

Well, almost five months have passed, and I’ve discovered that maybe this intention was not realistic. My caregiving has changed me in many ways, some positive and some negative. I continually find myself tested, but these tests offer opportunities for growth – growing in patience, setting boundaries, active listening, and having hard conversations.

Perhaps a more realistic intention for 2024 is to “find who I am BECOMING.” How can I take what I’ve learned to be the best version of the NEW me? That’s something I can recommit to – which brings us to this week’s topic: recommit, don’t quit.

“Empathy is the antidote to shame.” – Brené Brown

This week’s topic deals with two of the most complicated feelings we have, and the way we deal with those feelings can have a great impact on our sense of self-esteem, self-worth, and self-growth. We’re talking about guilt and shame.

“ ‘Yes, and’ reminds us that there are multiple truths and that we, therefore, do not have to simply reject someone when they challenge our assumptions.”

–  Toby Sinclair recap from “Both/And Thinking” by Wendy Smith and Marianne Lewis

As we continue to explore this month’s theme of how to develop a growth mindset, we’re finding that some ways of thinking can be beneficial to our progress while other ways of thinking can hold us back. Last week, we discussed how curiosity can help us grow by opening our minds to new ideas and opening ourselves to new connections. This week’s topic is the opposite of curiosity – thinking in extremes can close our minds to the truths that others might see from their perspective, thus inhibiting our growth. 

“The mind that opens to a new idea never returns to its original size.” – Albert Einstein

Our theme for this month is growth mindset, and one of the most effective ways of ensuring that our minds remain focused on growth is by staying curious. When we stay curious, we grow by exploring those parts of ourselves and our world that we might be unfamiliar with. By asking the basic questions of who, what, where, when, why, and how, we can gain a new understanding of ourselves and our environment. In doing so, we open up opportunities for both self-growth and making new connections with others in our world.

Every single one of us has a STORY. Not one of us is spared life's challenges - after all - that's LIFE! And ... I don't need to remind you that life can be HARD. 

Many times our caregiver stories are "invisible" - just like the invisible illnesses many of our loved ones face. 

Life is filled with moments of joy AND ordinary AND pain. In my most tender moments supporting loved ones (or myself) through immense physical or emotional pain, I've shared my thoughts on how we might navigate our one and precious life. We were never promised a life of only the “good” emotions - like joy and happiness - life comes with the good AND bad - a full spectrum of experiences. 

How often do you find yourself asking "why ME?" I've been known to say this and "enough is enough" - how much pain can one person endure?

Sometimes, life feels unfair.

But as you navigate your story - your journey of life - remember, you are NEVER alone. Never alone in your joy OR your pain. We're on this caregiver journey TOGETHER. 

When I founded Courage to Caregivers - it was a passion project. After losing our brother to suicide, my sisters and I knew NO ONE should take this journey - of providing care to someone they love living with mental illness - ALONE. We had felt so very alone all those years providing mental and emotional support for our brother. Just like he did. Yet, we were facing this together.  

Over the years, talking with people, hearing their stories, holding their hands on their journey of pain - whether it be grief, loss of any kind, chronic pain, physical pain, emotional pain, isolation, or loneliness - it can feel hard and overwhelming. One of the things I've learned is ... people want to know they aren't ALONE. We work to validate each caregiver's experience and affirm and normalize their feelings. Allowing each caregiver to feel seen, heard, and understood.  

“The very definition of being 'human' means that one is mortal, vulnerable and imperfect. Therefore, self-compassion involves recognizing that suffering and personal inadequacy is part of the shared human experience – something that we all go through rather than being something that happens to ‘me’ alone.” ~ Kristin Neff

Walking hand in hand with someone else is one of our greatest gifts to each other. Common humanity = you are NEVER alone.

Check out our entire April Newsletter focused on Common Humanity here.

“Loneliness is a subjective feeling where the connections we need are greater than the connections we have.” – Dr. Vivek Murthy

You don’t have to be alone to feel lonely.

Caregivers often feel alone when the loved ones we care for are withdrawn or unable to connect with the rest of the world in traditional ways. We also can get caught up in always trying to do something for someone else. This can lead to a feeling of loneliness as we disconnect from the rest of the world … and even from ourselves. Unchecked over the long term, this disconnect can make it hard for us to identify our own needs and seek support from others when we need it. To break through the loneliness, we need to find healthy ways to reconnect with others and ourselves.

“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot.” – Jamie Anderson

We experienced an unusual spectacle in northeast Ohio and many other parts of the country this week as people came together to celebrate a few minutes of darkness in the middle of the day during the total solar eclipse. While the idea of an eclipse can be used to symbolize many things, I couldn’t help thinking that it was a perfect metaphor for our topic this week – grief and loss.