Practice Tolerance, and De-Stress from Distress
“When you choose to view your stress response as helpful, you create the biology of courage.” ~ Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress
Our topic this week is coping mechanisms, and I want to talk about one particular skill – distress tolerance – which helps us manage and cope with crises or situations that trigger intense emotions.
If you’ve been following us for a while, you know I’m a huge fan of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), and distress tolerance is one of the four key skills of DBT: mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, emotion regulation, and distress tolerance. Each of these skills plays a critical role in managing difficult emotions and navigating life challenges.
Mindfulness involves staying present and fully engaging with the current moment, helping individuals gain awareness of their thoughts and feelings without becoming overwhelmed by them.
Interpersonal effectiveness focuses on building healthy relationships, improving communication skills, and maintaining self-respect while interacting with others.
Emotion regulation teaches strategies to manage and change intense emotions that can be disruptive or overwhelming.
Distress tolerance teaches us how to bring ourselves down from overwhelming feelings, such as anxiety, anger, or sadness, without reacting impulsively or making the situation worse. Distress tolerance techniques include coping mechanisms such as distraction, self-soothing, or radical acceptance.
I think of DBT skills as life skills, and the tools we learned through this therapy are essential to any healthy relationship..By developing these four DBT skills, individuals can build resilience and navigate emotional challenges with greater stability and control.
“DBT emphasizes learning to bear pain skillfully because pain and distress are part of life and cannot be entirely avoided. Tolerance is necessary during any behavior change because impulsive behavior would interfere. Distress tolerance is the ability to perceive the environment as it is, without demanding that it be different.” (DBT Skills) There are 7 different skills you can learn through DBT - here is an overview from DBT Skills.
My favorite DBT skill for distress tolerance is IMPROVE. Here are 7 ways to use the IMPROVE skill by Dominee Calderon, Blessing Manifesting:
Imagery: Do a guided meditation. Imagine a safe space. Visualize things going well for you and having a positive outcome.
Meaning: What are you learning from the situation you’re going through? Or what *can* you learn? How is the experience helping you grow? What positives can come from what you’re going through?
Pause: Give yourself a few moments to take a deep breath. Get in touch with yourself and where you are right now in the moment. Pray or meditate or just close your eyes and listen to nature.
Relax: Your muscles, your mind, and yourself. Pay attention to where you are holding tension. Unclench your jaw. Give yourself a massage, yoga, or a nice long bath.
One Thing at a Time: Stay in the present moment. Focus on what’s in front of you. Organize your tasks and start from the top.
Vacation: Take a deep breath. Do something that releases your tension. Stand up and shake it off, physically. Take 15 minutes just for you.
Encouragement: Practice positive self-talk. Be kind to yourself. Tell yourself that you’re doing an awesome job. Be your own cheerleader.
As caregivers, we’re often called to step into our loved one’s stories of pain. How do we see ourselves as separate people, and not take on THEIR strong emotions? We can use the IMPROVE skills to work on this … and as we improve, our loved ones may, too, because we can set the example for our families. As we empower and equip carers to navigate their journey, we envision a world where healthy carers lead to healthier families and communities.
As you improve your distress tolerance, you improve your self-esteem (I can do hard things, I manage uncomfortable emotions, I cope with difficult situations - I have survived all of my worst days!) Take pride in YOUR ability to tolerate and manage your emotions during stressful situations.