“Stress is not bad for you; being stuck is bad for you.” – Emily & Amelia Nagoski
One of the main challenges caregivers have to face is managing stress. This topic is so important at Courage to Caregivers that we spend much of our time looking for new resources and tools to help you manage stress. That’s because we discovered early on that stress is a natural part of caregiving – and of life – so we can’t eliminate it from our lives, no matter how much we would like to. What we can do is empower caregivers with the tools they need to better manage and cope with the stress of caregiving.
Managing and coping with stress are two different subjects, and we’ll discuss coping at a later date. This week is all about stress management, which involves developing a set of skills that help us eliminate the negative mental and physical responses that our bodies have to stress.
Read More
“Offering help is courageous and compassionate, but so is asking for help.” – Brené Brown
As caregivers, we often feel alone in our journey – in our pain, our joys, and our caring. But this journey of life was not meant to be taken alone. We all need a strong support network for ourselves AND each other.
Having a support network as a caregiver is essential, and it’s a two-way street. Supporting other people also allows us to contribute and feel valued beyond our caregiving role.
Yet, it can be hard to ask for help. We all like to be considered strong, independent, and capable, and asking for support seems like a show of weakness. But asking for help actually shows incredible strength and courage. It takes a strong but humble person to recognize when help is needed and that it’s OK to ask. We are all imperfect, and we can grow by letting others help us through a challenge or a crisis.
Caregivers play many important roles in their journey of providing care to someone they love - one is that of ADVOCATE. Caregivers advocate on behalf of their loved ones all the time to assure they receive the necessary medical care and support, and that their needs are heard.
As caregivers we're good at caring for and advocating for our loved ones' care and concerns. What about us? Who's advocating for the caregiver? It turns out not only is Courage to Caregivers advocating for family caregivers - many other agencies are as well (check out the second section of resources below).
It's also important as caregivers to advocate for ourselves - self-advocacy. What do you NEED? What are YOUR goals, values, interests and desires? Your loved one, as the patient, has rights (and responsibilities) ... and you do, too!
We see self-advocacy as self-care. Self-advocacy is three-tiered - knowing yourself, knowing what your needs are, and knowing how to get your needs met.
The Self Advocate Net has a great definition of self-advocacy: "Self-advocacy is the ability to speak up for yourself and the things that are important to you. Self-advocacy means you are able to ask for what you need and want and tell people about your thoughts and feelings. The goal of self-advocacy is for you to decide what you want then develop and carry out a plan to help you get it."
5 TOOLS TO ADVOCATE FOR YOURSELF:
NOTICE: What do you NEED? What are your goals, values, interests, and desires? As you focus on building self-awareness, use self-reflection. Remember KNOWLEDGE is power.
SELF-EMPOWERMENT: Self-empowerment allows you to see more in yourself. Self-empowerment starts with BELIEVING in yourself. Notice your SELF-TALK: Stop and reframe. SELF-RESPECT: How can you empower YOURSELF? SELF-WORTH: You are worthy of love, kindness and respect. PERSEVERANCE: Don't give up when things get tough!
YOU'RE NEVER ALONE: Having a SUPPORT NETWORK to support you in your self-advocacy journey is essential. Find someone to fit each of your needs - mental, emotional, social, physical, resources, financial or even validation. Who's cheering you on, and believes in you? Join a support group - our group coaching is a great form of support network!
SELF-REGULATION: Regulating with the 7 Cs:
I didn’t cause it: Accepting you didn't cause your loved one's illness releases feelings of guilt and shame.
I can’t cure it: Care - support - love.
I can’t control it: You can't force someone else's recovery. You can support and encourage.
I can’t change it: Acceptance. My loved one is living with mental illness. Therefore, I am a mental illness caregiver.
YET, I can have courage, compassion and I can COPE.
EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION: Caregivers exist in community, whether it is you and your loved one or you and a large family or other system. Learning to be assertive as you communicate will help you in the long run to solve problems, advocate for yourself and help maintain relationships and healthy boundaries. USE "I" LANGUAGE to express your feelings and take responsibility for them.
If it's been awhile since you’ve considered your own needs as a caregiver, find even a micro-moment today to start prioritizing them.
Check out entire August newsletter focused on Advocacy here.
Read More
As caregivers, we live in a variety of communities. A community can exist that’s just us and our loved one, or us with our immediate family, or with our extended family and friends. Then there’s the community that makes up our support system, the community that consists of all caregivers, and the local community we live in. Each type of community is strengthened when effective communication is practiced.
Unfortunately, our thoughts and feelings may get in the way of effective communication – we may be concerned about how others perceive us, how our message is being received, or that we’re being judged. I know … this is hard.
Read More
For five years, we’ve been sharing tools, tips, and tricks about the importance of having a support network. This week, I’m focusing on how difficult it is to ASK FOR HELP.
As caregivers, we’d much rather give help than ask for help. There are a lot of reasons why it’s hard for caregivers to ask for help:
Fear ... They may say “NO!”
Burden … I’ll appear needy.
Weakness … The other person will have “power.”
Incompetence … I’m supposed to have it “all” together. I like being self-reliant.
Vulnerability … Asking for help exposes my true feelings and emotions.
For many years, I didn’t want to ask for help. I’d been trained, seemingly since birth, to be independent and take care of myself. It was HARD to ask for help, and I didn’t like it.
Read More
“All advocacy is, at its core, an exercise in empathy.” – Samantha Power
The Missouri Foundation for Health defines advocacy as “any action that speaks in favor of, recommends, argues for a cause, supports or defends, or pleads on behalf of others.” Caregivers are great at advocating for their loved ones, bringing light to their issues, concerns, challenges, and roadblocks.
Read More