The Constance of Joy
“Joy is always present - in the silver lining, in the resiliency, in our memories, in the connection to those who share your grief when it comes. It’s in the everyday world, on good days as well as bad ones. You only have to look for it, be confident that it’s there, and be open to it when you find it.”
~ Steven Petrow, “The Joy You Make: Find the Silver Linings - Even on Your Darkest Days”
As the quote above suggests, finding joy is an act of resilience and intentionality. That’s not to say it’s easy, with all our responsibilities and challenges as caregivers. But we CAN find joy amidst the chaos – find hope and light even in our darkest days – because we have the ability to control our own thoughts, feelings, and actions.
I’m reminded of when my kids were in grade school, and a school psychologist introduced me to the concept of “interviewing for pain.” This refers to a communication approach where the focus is on identifying, exploring, or amplifying a person’s struggles, challenges, or negative experiences. It often involves asking questions that prioritize uncovering what’s wrong, rather than balancing the conversation with strengths, successes, or potential solutions.
As caregivers, we might “interview for pain” by consistently focusing on the struggles, limitations, or challenges of the person we care for. With the best of intentions, we might ask questions like:
“What hurts today?”
“What’s wrong now?”
What often happens when we constantly take this approach is that the person feels defined by their struggles or focuses solely on their limitations, leaving little room for positivity or hope.
What if, instead, we focused on interviewing for JOY?
Shift the Narrative:
Ask questions that highlight positive moments or progress:“What went well today?”
“What made you smile?”
“What would you like to do that brings you joy?”
Celebrate Small Wins:
Acknowledge achievements, no matter how small, to create a sense of progress and encouragement.Create Opportunities for Joy:
Encourage and facilitate activities that bring happiness, such as listening to music, watching a favorite show, or spending time in nature.Practice Gratitude Together:
Incorporate gratitude into daily conversations by asking, “What are you grateful for today?”Model Positivity:
Caregivers can share their own moments of joy or things that brighten their day, creating an atmosphere of mutual positivity.
By focusing on joy, we not only promote a more optimistic outlook but also foster resilience, connection, and emotional well-being for ourselves and our loved ones. I believe joy is a constant – always present. The key is to be aware of it, and to embrace it when we see it.