"You may not be able to change a situation, but with humor you can change your attitude about it."
– Allen Klein
As I’ve mentioned before, humor and laughter are two of my go-to coping mechanisms. My mom was the same way. She was pretty unflappable when we were little. Nothing much exasperated her with four kids around. She was cool in a crisis (maybe too cool) and usually found something to laugh about
Read More“In today’s rush, we all think too much - seek too much - want too much - and forget about the joy of just being.” ~ Eckhart Tolle
Our young adult son living with a traumatic brain injury came to me recently and proclaimed, “You and Dad are people that get things done!” I’m going to take that as a compliment. Yet, it does cause me to pause and contemplate my ongoing intention to spend less time focused on DOING and more time focused on BEING.
If there is anything that caregivers are good at, it’s DOING. Don’t you just LOVE being able to tick things off of a good to-do list? I think what feels good about DOING is that it gives me the feeling that I am in control of something, when the world around me feels out of control.
What about BEING? That takes more intentional work—to create a practice of BEING.
Read More“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” ~ Reinhold Niebuhr
It’s one of the hardest things I have had to learn as a caregiver. Sometimes, the world appears to be overwhelming, and we may feel our emotions going out of control as we do our best to respond. When this happens, staying mindful and connected to the present moment can help us regain the ability to regulate our emotions. Sounds simple enough, right? But it’s not that simple.
Read MoreWhy can it be so hard to be kind to ourselves? If you find self-compassion difficult, you are not alone. Research has shown that sometimes even when we try to be compassionate to ourselves, we can feel worse, a phenomenon scholars call "backdraft" (The Greater Good Science Center). However, this month is all about SELF-DISCOVERY. When certain ways of practicing SELF-COMPASSION just aren't working, we have the opportunity to learn more about ourselves and seek out alternative strategies.
For example, if saying kind words to yourself isn't providing you the reassurance you need, the Greater Good Science Center suggests finding JOY through "behavioral self-compassion." This can mean going for a short walk, listening to music, or taking a quick snack break. As you seek different soothing activities, you may also IDENTIFY YOUR STRENGTHS. Which activities motivate you the most? What draws you to them?
By practicing self-compassion, finding joy, and identifying our strengths, we can discover more tools that can help us get through our daily lives. What opportunities do you have today for self-discovery?
3 TOOLS FOR SELF-DISCOVERY
1) Be Compassionate Toward Yourself. While this can feel easier said than done, remember that there are MANY ways to be compassionate toward yourself. Check out this toolkit from To Write Love On Her Arms for some suggestions!
2) Look for Joy in Your Life. Acknowledging joy in your life does not mean ignoring pain or sadness. Rather, finding joy can mean recognizing the small and big things that boost your soul and encourage you to keep going even during challenging times.
3) Identify Your Strengths. We all have strengths that motivate us and help us through difficult dilemmas, but identifying them can be tricky. Sometimes just starting with the activities you enjoy or what others have complimented you on can be a good start.
Check out our entire February 2025 newsletter focused on Self-Discovery here.
“Self-compassion means standing up for what’s right. It’s about saying no to injustice and advocating for your rights and the rights of others with courage and kindness.” ~ Kristin Neff, PhD
Did you know that today, February 20, is the World Day of Social Justice, per the United Nations? I’ve been thinking a lot lately about kindness, compassion, and social justice. With everything going on in the world, I have felt frustrated, angry, hurt, and afraid (mostly for my loved ones who face stigmatizing and hateful attitudes from others). These emotions are all on top of the daily “caregiving” emotions of guilt, shame, and resentment. Everything around me feels out of my control. Yet, maybe we can honor this day with both kindness and compassion? That feels like something I can control.
Read More“I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within. It is there all the time.” ~ Anna Freud
I probably don’t have to remind you that tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. No matter where I go, I am reminded by big displays of pink and red that it is a day to celebrate love. There’s no doubt a lot of cards and candy are sold for Valentine’s Day to help us express our love for others. But for our purposes, I want to encourage you to take some time to focus on self-love, too.
Read More“Joy is always present - in the silver lining, in the resiliency, in our memories, in the connection to those who share your grief when it comes. It’s in the everyday world, on good days as well as bad ones. You only have to look for it, be confident that it’s there, and be open to it when you find it.”
~ Steven Petrow, “The Joy You Make: Find the Silver Linings - Even on Your Darkest Days”
As the quote above suggests, finding joy is an act of resilience and intentionality. That’s not to say it’s easy, with all our responsibilities and challenges as caregivers. But we CAN find joy amidst the chaos – find hope and light even in our darkest days – because we have the ability to control our own thoughts, feelings, and actions.
Read More“Self-compassion is a balance of TENDER – accepting ourselves – and FIERCE – taking action – to alleviate suffering.” – Dr. Kristin Neff
Like so many things for caregivers, when it comes to feeling compassion for ourselves in the same way that we feel it for others, it can be hard. We become accustomed to showing compassion for loved ones and others who are struggling or suffering, but we don’t always treat ourselves the same way.
Just like everyone else, we have good days and bad days. But on those bad days when we struggle, our inner dialogue may become critical and harsh. And while we may think that we’re just being honest with ourselves and taking responsibility for poor behavior, what we’re really doing is denying ourselves the self-compassion that we deserve – the same kind of compassion that we freely show for others.
Read More“The good life is using your signature strengths every day to produce authentic happiness and abundant gratification.” – Martin Seligman
As we focus on the theme of self-discovery this month, a key element in truly knowing ourselves is to identify our strengths. This is so important for caregivers because we often fail to recognize all of the strengths that we must draw upon as we focus on helping others. As a result, we can lose sight of ourselves, including all of our unique capabilities and strengths that lie at the core of who we are.
Read More“(Joy is) the light that emanates from us when we help each other carry our sorrows. And that notion of joy to me, it sort of suggests something of entanglement.” – Ross Gay
We’ve been talking about finding joy for a long time now because joy is a core emotion that can be so beneficial to caregivers when we need to counteract uncomfortable emotions such as sadness. So it may be surprising to find some new ideas on how to think about joy. Yet, that’s exactly what I discovered when I read the remarkable book Inciting Joy, a collection of essays by poet and author Ross Gay.
Gay focuses on the entanglement of joy. He defines joy as “the ways that we practice our entanglement. … And when I say entanglement, I mean like being fundamentally connected to one another. All of these things like gardening or pick-up basketball or skateboarding or … aspects of school at its best. … There are these sites where we get the opportunity to practice being entangled with one another.”
Read MoreDuring my hardest caregiving days, I felt as if I had lost myself - who I was at my very core. I lost sight of myself. It's as if I hit "pause" on my play button - in order to care for others so they could move "forward". In the meantime, during that pause, I was lost.
It took me a LONG time to notice and ultimately figure out why I was struggling. I had to find peace with focusing on ME again. I had to remind myself that taking care of me, too, is NOT selfish. It allows me to reclaim WHO I am, WHAT I'm doing and WHY it matters.
Throughout February as we explored our theme of Self-Discovery we dug deep to find more joy, identified our strengths and opportunities for growth, and worked hard on our self-compassion.
Self-discovery is the journey of finding your true self. It is a fundamental component of your journey of personal growth. It leads to greater self-awareness and helps you understand and regulate your emotions.
Self-discovery is a journey. Think of yourself as a perpetual perfectly imperfect work in progress.
It's about exploring your passions, examining your life, and taking steps towards personal fulfillment.
Check out our entire February newsletter focused on Self-Discovery here.
Read MoreTuesday was Valentine’s Day, and did you ever think of giving yourself a Valentine’s gift? How about some self-compassion?
Self-compassion is a perfect gift to give yourself … any day of the year. It’s a component of self-love, where we recognize our own worth and extend kindness to ourselves just like we would for others.
Read MoreOur strengths are a big part of our character. They can develop from the way we were raised, the way we respond to challenges, the values we hold dear, and the things that interest us the most. They represent the areas where we excel, and they are building blocks for our self-esteem.
Your strengths are a big part of what makes you special. Be confident in who YOU are and what your strengths can help YOU do!
Read MoreOur topic for this week, finding joy, can be a tricky subject for caregivers. With all the emotions and challenges that we experience as part of our role as caregivers, finding joy for ourselves can be complicated. As we focus on the needs of others, we might put off our need to find joy for ourselves, and we might even feel guilty when we do allow ourselves to feel joy.
Read MoreIn my most active caregiving days, I felt as if I had lost myself - who I was at my very core. Throughout February, as we explored our theme of Self-Discovery, we dug deep to identify our strengths and opportunities for growth, developed our understanding of self-confidence and worked hard on our self-love.
When I think about who has helped me with my own journey of self-discovery, that's right, you guessed it, the work of Brené Brown has been like having a personal life coach. She's taught me to cultivate courage and live my most authentic self. This is HARD!
Check out our February Newsletter focused on SELF-DISCOVERY here.
Read MoreBy now, you know that we’re all about courage. It’s in our name, after all. And this week’s topic – self-love – might be the most courageous, important, and difficult gift you can give yourself. It’s an essential part of self-care, and it’s absolutely not selfish.
Read MoreWith self-confidence, the world becomes a place filled with opportunities and adventures instead of a fearful journey. Before you know it, you will truly believe that you are capable, responsible, reliable, and able to manage life on life’s terms … and on YOUR terms.
Read MoreThis month, we’ll be exploring the theme of self-discovery, and a great place to start is by focusing on our strengths as opportunities. Strengths go hand-in-hand with a growth mindset. Identifying areas where you are strongest allows you not only to work on the things you need to improve but also to cultivate your strengths and make them even stronger.
Read MoreFebruary’s Newsletter is focused on Self-Discovery is a Journey!
Read our February Newsletter here.
Read MoreAs caregivers, we dispense a lot of LOVE into the world. But what about us? Aren’t we worthy of the same love we give to others? Of course, we are.
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