Self-Compassion – A Tender Balance and a Caring Force
“Self-compassion is a balance of TENDER – accepting ourselves – and FIERCE – taking action – to alleviate suffering.” – Dr. Kristin Neff
Like so many things for caregivers, when it comes to feeling compassion for ourselves in the same way that we feel it for others, it can be hard. We become accustomed to showing compassion for loved ones and others who are struggling or suffering, but we don’t always treat ourselves the same way.
Just like everyone else, we have good days and bad days. But on those bad days when we struggle, our inner dialogue may become critical and harsh. And while we may think that we’re just being honest with ourselves and taking responsibility for poor behavior, what we’re really doing is denying ourselves the self-compassion that we deserve – the same kind of compassion that we freely show for others.
Self-compassion is a vital component of self-love, allowing us to recognize our own worth and extend kindness to ourselves. There are two components of self-compassion – tender and fierce – as noted in the quote above by Dr. Kristin Neff, co-founder of the Center for Mindful Self-Compassion and author of Fierce Self-Compassion. Tender self-compassion allows us to accept ourselves for who we are and take the time to heal. Fierce self-compassion involves taking actions such as setting boundaries, saying no, and focusing on our own needs. Balancing both the tender and fierce forms of self-compassion creates a caring force that allows us to thrive.
Here are three tools for fostering self-compassion:
PRACTICE SELF-KINDNESS instead of self-judgment. Be gentle with yourself. You’re a perpetual perfectly imperfect work in progress.
RECOGNIZE OUR COMMON HUMANITY. You are not alone. Each of us has a story. We all make mistakes, and that’s part of being human.
PRACTICE MINDFULNESS. Without judgment, pause and NOTICE your thoughts and feelings in this moment.
Self-compassion is a gift we give ourselves. It means treating ourselves the same way that we would treat a loved one or a dear friend. When we remember that we are all flawed humans, capable of learning from our mistakes, and able to grow and improve, we are being compassionate with ourselves and one another.
So, if your inner voice starts to take a negative tone and becomes critical of you, stop and notice, and replace that thought with self-compassion and self-kindness. YOU deserve it!