What If … We Could Stop Focusing on the “What-Ifs”?
Our topic for this week, finding joy, can be a tricky subject for caregivers. With all the emotions and challenges that we experience as part of our role as caregivers, finding joy for ourselves can be complicated. As we focus on the needs of others, we might put off our need to find joy for ourselves, and we might even feel guilty when we do allow ourselves to feel joy.
As a result, our feeling of joy can turn into what Brené Brown calls “foreboding joy” – that moment when joy is interrupted by thoughts of “but what if something bad happens.” Caregivers are no strangers to the “what-ifs.”
Yet, joy is such an important emotion. Feeling joy can support our resilience. It helps us recognize that our lives are not all suffering, that we have the strength to meet challenges, and that we can bounce back from disappointment. It boosts our soul, helps us connect to others, and can be contagious. We are ALL worthy of experiencing joy … without worrying about the “what-ifs.”
That’s why you deserve to make finding joy a practice in your daily life. For some strategies to help you deal with foreboding joy, check out this article. Rejoicing in everyday gratitude, cultivating self-awareness, embracing the opportunity to build resilience, and honoring the good, not the bad, are all ways to keep foreboding joy from disrupting the happy moments in your life.
Another, perhaps surprising, discovery from Brené Brown is that joy is connected to vulnerability. According to Kathy Escobar and SheLoves magazine, “Based on her research on shame and wholeheartedness, she discovered that joy is directly correlated to vulnerability. In other words, the more vulnerable we are, the more joy we ultimately experience. When we are closed off, self-protecting, hardened, afraid, locked-up, we can’t experience joy. When we allow ourselves to hurt, to feel, to live, joy seeps in.”
And one more thing … keep your quest for joy simple. Sometimes, the smallest things can give you the greatest joy. Look for “micro-joys” in the small things and events that happen all around you. Be a “joyspotter” by noticing all of the little joys you have every day. Joyspotting is easy, free, and can be done in just a few seconds. And the best part is the more you do it, the more joy you’ll start noticing all on your own.
When you can make finding joy a practice, it will be easier to avoid the “what-ifs” that come between YOU and your joy.