Treat Yourself as You Would Treat a Loved One
Tuesday was Valentine’s Day, and did you ever think of giving yourself a Valentine’s gift? How about some self-compassion?
Self-compassion is a perfect gift to give yourself … any day of the year. It’s a component of self-love, where we recognize our own worth and extend kindness to ourselves just like we would for others.
But showing self-compassion can be difficult for caregivers. When we see someone else who is struggling, especially a loved one, we are quick to find compassion for their pain and suffering. Yet, when we experience our own struggles, we tend to treat ourselves harshly with negative self-talk and self-criticism. It may feel like we are being honest with ourselves and taking responsibility for our actions, but what we’re actually doing is impeding our own growth.
By treating ourselves with compassion – loving, understanding, encouraging compassion – we recognize that we are flawed humans, capable of learning from our mistakes, and able to grow and improve. It also benefits those around us. As Center for Mindful Self-Compassion co-founder Kristin Neff says, “Self-compassion allows us to fill up our internal reserves, so that we have more to give to those who need us.”
If you need some help with your self-compassion, try these five tools:
Practice self-kindness instead of self-judgment. Be gentle with yourself. You’re a perpetual perfectly imperfect work in progress.
Know that you are not alone. Each of us has a story. We all make mistakes.
Watch your self-talk. Talk to yourself like you would talk to a beloved, cherished friend.
Use affirmations to inspire you or reframe your thoughts: “I will be gentle with myself.” “I'm doing the best I can with the resources I have right now.” “I care for ME as I care for you.”
Practice mindfulness. Pause and NOTICE your thoughts and feelings in this moment … without judgment.
Also, the next time you notice yourself practicing negative self-talk, it might help to ask yourself a few questions:
If this situation happened to someone I love, what language would I use with that person to comfort and reassure them?
If I was practicing self-compassion, what would I say to myself about this situation?
If I were really listening to my deepest needs, what would I say to myself about this situation?
If I told someone else about this situation, what language would I want them to use to comfort and reassure me?
Buddha said, “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” Self-compassion allows you to treat yourself with love and affection, the same way you would treat someone you love. Aren’t YOU someone you love?