"You may not be able to change a situation, but with humor you can change your attitude about it."
– Allen Klein
As I’ve mentioned before, humor and laughter are two of my go-to coping mechanisms. My mom was the same way. She was pretty unflappable when we were little. Nothing much exasperated her with four kids around. She was cool in a crisis (maybe too cool) and usually found something to laugh about
Read More“In today’s rush, we all think too much - seek too much - want too much - and forget about the joy of just being.” ~ Eckhart Tolle
Our young adult son living with a traumatic brain injury came to me recently and proclaimed, “You and Dad are people that get things done!” I’m going to take that as a compliment. Yet, it does cause me to pause and contemplate my ongoing intention to spend less time focused on DOING and more time focused on BEING.
If there is anything that caregivers are good at, it’s DOING. Don’t you just LOVE being able to tick things off of a good to-do list? I think what feels good about DOING is that it gives me the feeling that I am in control of something, when the world around me feels out of control.
What about BEING? That takes more intentional work—to create a practice of BEING.
Read More“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” ~ Reinhold Niebuhr
It’s one of the hardest things I have had to learn as a caregiver. Sometimes, the world appears to be overwhelming, and we may feel our emotions going out of control as we do our best to respond. When this happens, staying mindful and connected to the present moment can help us regain the ability to regulate our emotions. Sounds simple enough, right? But it’s not that simple.
Read MoreWhy can it be so hard to be kind to ourselves? If you find self-compassion difficult, you are not alone. Research has shown that sometimes even when we try to be compassionate to ourselves, we can feel worse, a phenomenon scholars call "backdraft" (The Greater Good Science Center). However, this month is all about SELF-DISCOVERY. When certain ways of practicing SELF-COMPASSION just aren't working, we have the opportunity to learn more about ourselves and seek out alternative strategies.
For example, if saying kind words to yourself isn't providing you the reassurance you need, the Greater Good Science Center suggests finding JOY through "behavioral self-compassion." This can mean going for a short walk, listening to music, or taking a quick snack break. As you seek different soothing activities, you may also IDENTIFY YOUR STRENGTHS. Which activities motivate you the most? What draws you to them?
By practicing self-compassion, finding joy, and identifying our strengths, we can discover more tools that can help us get through our daily lives. What opportunities do you have today for self-discovery?
3 TOOLS FOR SELF-DISCOVERY
1) Be Compassionate Toward Yourself. While this can feel easier said than done, remember that there are MANY ways to be compassionate toward yourself. Check out this toolkit from To Write Love On Her Arms for some suggestions!
2) Look for Joy in Your Life. Acknowledging joy in your life does not mean ignoring pain or sadness. Rather, finding joy can mean recognizing the small and big things that boost your soul and encourage you to keep going even during challenging times.
3) Identify Your Strengths. We all have strengths that motivate us and help us through difficult dilemmas, but identifying them can be tricky. Sometimes just starting with the activities you enjoy or what others have complimented you on can be a good start.
Check out our entire February 2025 newsletter focused on Self-Discovery here.
“Self-compassion means standing up for what’s right. It’s about saying no to injustice and advocating for your rights and the rights of others with courage and kindness.” ~ Kristin Neff, PhD
Did you know that today, February 20, is the World Day of Social Justice, per the United Nations? I’ve been thinking a lot lately about kindness, compassion, and social justice. With everything going on in the world, I have felt frustrated, angry, hurt, and afraid (mostly for my loved ones who face stigmatizing and hateful attitudes from others). These emotions are all on top of the daily “caregiving” emotions of guilt, shame, and resentment. Everything around me feels out of my control. Yet, maybe we can honor this day with both kindness and compassion? That feels like something I can control.
Read More“I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within. It is there all the time.” ~ Anna Freud
I probably don’t have to remind you that tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. No matter where I go, I am reminded by big displays of pink and red that it is a day to celebrate love. There’s no doubt a lot of cards and candy are sold for Valentine’s Day to help us express our love for others. But for our purposes, I want to encourage you to take some time to focus on self-love, too.
Read More“Joy is always present - in the silver lining, in the resiliency, in our memories, in the connection to those who share your grief when it comes. It’s in the everyday world, on good days as well as bad ones. You only have to look for it, be confident that it’s there, and be open to it when you find it.”
~ Steven Petrow, “The Joy You Make: Find the Silver Linings - Even on Your Darkest Days”
As the quote above suggests, finding joy is an act of resilience and intentionality. That’s not to say it’s easy, with all our responsibilities and challenges as caregivers. But we CAN find joy amidst the chaos – find hope and light even in our darkest days – because we have the ability to control our own thoughts, feelings, and actions.
Read More"I don't have any control over what actually happens except for that I have full control over my will for myself, my intention, and why I'm there. That's all that matters." ~ SZA
Each new year greets us with possibilities. Possibilities for ourselves, for our loved ones, for our communities. In December, we examined how we can take advantage of hope and opportunity and channel our inner calm to prepare us for the challenges that come our way. Now, at the beginning of 2025, we are ready to reflect on what we already have inside of ourselves and SET INTENTIONS that turn our possibilities into reality.
So how do we begin? Setting intentions does not need to be difficult. By looking at the strengths and skills we already have within us, we can recognize the tools we can use to foster our growth such as creativity, compassion, and dedication. Additionally, we can use "I will" statements rather than "I want" or "I won't" phrases so that our intentions can be shaped by what we already have and provide us the opportunity to grow. By crafting clear intentions, we can guide our decision-making and behavior to align with our goals.
3 TOOLS FOR SETTING INTENTIONS
Find Your Inner Peace. Start with the person you are in this moment. Remind yourself of who you are, what you value, and how you can leverage your strengths.
Remember, You Have the Power to Design Your Own Life. You get to decide what your life becomes! Reflect on your values and strengths to see what areas you would like to focus on this year.
Practice Self-Compassion. Obstacles are bound to happen! Be gentle with yourself and remember that, you are doing everything you can in this moment with the knowledge and resources you have. Progress is the goal, not perfection. You got this!
Check out our entire January newsletter focused on Setting Intentions here.
Read More“To be radically open-minded, you need to be so open to the possibilities that you could be wrong that you encourage others to tell you so.” ~ Ray Dalio
One of my goals is to participate in a collaborative leadership opportunity each year. It supports my personal growth, which in turn helps me be a stronger leader for Courage to Caregivers. In 2024 I was part of a Transformational Leadership Cohort for peer supporters in Ohio, which combines cohort workshops and individual coaching to develop leaders' inner strengths. The workshops build a foundation for systemic change, emphasizing peers' roles in the workforce, while coaching helps participants achieve their personal leadership goals.
One question we considered that applies to all pivotal moments in which we are involved – moments of change, conflict, or creating new outcomes – is:
What am I contributing?
Read More“Manage expectations, but never lose sight of dreams.” ~ Michelle Obama, Becoming
My understanding of habits and expectations were transformed after reading Gretchen Rubin’s “Better Than Before” about making and breaking habits (SO many great strategies to build self-awareness and establish strategies that work for me). And then I quickly followed with her book ”The Four Tendencies” about understanding how you respond to inner and outer expectations. I’m linking her websites here as Rubin offers loads of resources and tips!
Read More"Tell your story because your story will heal you and it will heal someone else.” ~ Iyanla Vanzant
When I was expecting our first child, 34 years ago, we purchased a book titled “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” by Arlene Eisenberg. It had been recently published and was dubbed the “pregnancy bible.” We devoured it, quickly followed by “What to Expect the First Year.” We read the books, took all the classes we could, and followed the doctor’s orders (my husband had a LOT of questions). Even though we had plenty of experience as babysitters, camp counselors, and Sunday school teachers, we were as nervous as we could be – we (still) can’t believe they let us take home our little bundle of love. Yet, with all that preparation, we didn’t have a road map for what would come. (Back then, we would have gone to AAA and asked for a Triptik.)
Read More"Those who see the cosmic perspective as a depressing outlook, they really need to reassess how they think about the world. Because when I look up in the universe, I know I'm small but I'm also big. I'm big because I'm connected to the universe, and the universe is connected to me." ~ Neil deGrasse Tyson
How do you feel when you look up at the night sky? Do you feel small and unimportant? Or do you feel big and connected? As seen here, our outlooks not only affect how we view the situations, people, and places around us, but also how we view ourselves.
Cambridge Dictionary defines OUTLOOK as "a person's way of understanding and thinking about something." On its own, an "outlook" is not inherently positive, negative, or neutral. Rather, we shape our outlooks based on our backgrounds and experiences and on the information and people around us.
By recognizing how we determine and adjust our outlooks, we can influence how we take on the challenges and obstacles that will inevitably come our way. This past month, we explored how we can find HOPE and INNER CALM in difficult times, embrace POSSIBILITIES AND OPPORTUNITIES, and FACE THE DARKNESS OF THE WINTER SOLSTICE. Now, as we enter the new year, we will continue shaping our outlooks in a way that allows us to grow and learn.
3 TOOLS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY OUTLOOK
Have a hope-centered mindset. Hope reminds us of our inner strengths and ability to enact change. As the world shifts around us, our hope can also wax and wane, but remember that hope is not a finite resource. We can always find hope in ourselves and in our surrounding environments and communities.
Cultivate inner peace. Our days can be filled with chaos and it is easy to feel as if we have no control over our own lives. However, by taking the time, even if it's only five minutes, to find our inner calm, we can feel more prepared to tackle the challenges we face.
Embrace possibility thinking. By engaging with possibilities, we can allow ourselves to recognize what we want to happen in our lives. Once we recognize what we want, we can then understand the steps we have to take to make those wishes come true.
Check out our entire December newsletter focused on Outlook here.
Read More“Maybe you have to know the darkness before you can appreciate the light.” ~ Madeleine L’Engle
Congratulations! If you live in the Northern Hemisphere, you have survived the longest, darkest night of the year (Saturday, December 21) – the Winter Solstice!
For many people, winter can be a long, dark, and difficult time of year. For some, darkness symbolizes the unknown or fear. Yet, it intersects with a time of year – the Holidays – that the world tells us should be filled with peace, love, and joy. How do we face darkness in our own lives when the rest of the world seems to be shining brightly?
What if, instead of searching for light outside ourselves, we look for the light that exists within – our strengths and hope?
Read More“If you embrace possibility thinking, your dreams will go from molehill to mountain size, and because you believe in possibilities, you put yourself in position to achieve them.” ~ John Maxwell
We asked our participants this week, “What’s your favorite part of winter?” We heard everything from the glistening of new fallen snow to getting cozy with a warm beverage to new beginnings. I LOVE thinking about winter as a new beginning – a fresh start!
And a fresh start means new opportunities and possibilities. This topic is one of my favorites because both opportunity and possibility expand on the growth mindset and on HOPE. Having a growth mindset allows us to pursue the opportunities of today – and tomorrow – with limitless possibilities and hope for the future.
Read More“Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.” – Pema Chödrön
So much of what we talk about at Courage to Caregivers revolves around control – recognizing what we can and can’t control, and having the courage to act on those things we can control to empower our self-growth. With all the chaos that typically surrounds a caregiver’s life, it may seem that we don’t have much control over our ability to find inner peace or inner calm. But as the quote above states, inner peace is indeed under our control.
Inner calm is a choice we make when we decide to regain control of our emotions and limit the stress we feel from external forces. We know that we can’t always control external events or how others behave, but we can control our own reactions to them. By choosing not to let outside influences dictate our emotions, we empower ourselves to maintain our balance and serenity, or peace and calm, even in the most challenging situations.
Read More“In a way, life is a constant process of supersurvival, of facing life’s seemingly impossible choices with honesty and faith in ourselves. It’s a capacity all of us share. It’s the capacity to hope.”
– from Supersurvivors by David Feldman and Lee Daniel Kravetz
I read Supersurvivors by David Feldman and Lee Daniel Kravetz this year, and it was a very inspiring read. Supersurvival refers to our ability to endure life’s most challenging moments, not just by surviving, but by finding meaning, growth, and purpose beyond the hardship. The quote above emphasizes the resilience, inner strength, and courage that our capacity to hope gives us when we face adversity.
Read More"Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much." - Helen Keller
Caregiving can feel incredibly isolating. As caregivers, particularly mental illness caregivers, we can sometimes feel as if we do not have the right to tell our stories since they are really our loved ones' stories of living with mental illness or other chronic and serious illnesses. Additionally, when surrounded by people we feel "do not understand," it's easy to feel judged or shamed for our choices. Finding a space where we can be vulnerable or authentic can be challenging and, at times, feel downright impossible.
Fortunately, we are not alone. Courage to Caregivers is dedicated to bringing together caregivers to create a community of CARE. We are here to support you - as a caregiver - as YOU - in your personal growth journey towards greater health and well-being. When you take care of yourself (too), you provide better care to those you love.
This month, we have explored how we can better collaborate with those around us through MANAGING our perceptions, AVOIDING comparing and despairing, and FINDING gratitude. Remember, you are never alone.
3 TOOLS FOR COLLABORATION:
Practice Active Listening - By listening to understand rather than to respond, we can better connect with those around us.
Be Empathetic - By feeling "with" others rather than "for," we can more strongly understand where people are coming from.
Ask for What You Need - By being specific about what we need from the people who want to be there for us, we can help others in supporting ourselves.
Check out our entire November newsletter focused on Collaboration here.
Read More“Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. It opens the door to forgiveness, compassion, and serenity.” – Robert A. Emmons
When things get rough and nothing seems to be going our way, taking time to reflect on things we’re grateful for can often lift our spirits. And when we’re feeling resentment toward the actions of others, being able to show some forgiveness can help us feel better. But forgiveness and gratitude are far more than temporary actions that might help us get through difficult moments in our lives. They can be powerful tools for driving personal growth and healing troubled relationships.
Read More“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”
– Wendy Mass (also attributed to Plato and others)
We love the quote above, and we use it a lot. For me, this quote is a great connector, encouraging compassion and empathy, urging us to treat others with unconditional kindness and understanding.
But what if we showed ourselves the same kind of compassion? In our efforts for self-improvement, we can sometimes fall into the trap of compare and despair. We look at others and focus on areas where we feel we are lacking. This type of distorted thinking can lead to depression, anxiety, shame, jealousy, self-criticism, low self-esteem, and low self-confidence. Yet, if we take a moment to practice some self-compassion – realizing that we are no better or worse than anyone else fighting their own battles – we can begin to treat ourselves with the same kindness and encouragement that we give to others.
Read More“All our knowledge has its origins in our perceptions.” ~ Leonardo da Vinci
One of the most powerful tools we have in our journey of self-growth is the ability to manage perceptions. It can also be one of the hardest to put into action.
Our perceptions form the foundation of everything we know and believe. They influence how we gather and interpret information. They shape the way we think, affect the way we learn, and guide our decision-making. So it’s natural to feel uncomfortable when we encounter something that challenges the reality we thought we knew based on our perceptions. Recognizing that we all have beliefs and biases that stem from our unique perceptions is important both for self-growth and for strengthening our connections with those around us.
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