Compare and Despair — Blog — Courage to Caregivers

NOVEMBER 2024 Newsletter: Collaboration Makes Us Stronger

"Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much." - Helen Keller

Caregiving can feel incredibly isolating. As caregivers, particularly mental illness caregivers, we can sometimes feel as if we do not have the right to tell our stories since they are really our loved ones' stories of living with mental illness or other chronic and serious illnesses. Additionally, when surrounded by people we feel "do not understand," it's easy to feel judged or shamed for our choices. Finding a space where we can be vulnerable or authentic can be challenging and, at times, feel downright impossible.

Fortunately, we are not alone. Courage to Caregivers is dedicated to bringing together caregivers to create a community of CARE. We are here to support you - as a caregiver - as YOU - in your personal growth journey towards greater health and well-being. When you take care of yourself (too), you provide better care to those you love.

This month, we have explored how we can better collaborate with those around us through MANAGING our perceptions, AVOIDING comparing and despairing, and FINDING gratitude. Remember, you are never alone.

3 TOOLS FOR COLLABORATION:

Practice Active Listening - By listening to understand rather than to respond, we can better connect with those around us.
Be Empathetic - By feeling "with" others rather than "for," we can more strongly understand where people are coming from.
Ask for What You Need - By being specific about what we need from the people who want to be there for us, we can help others in supporting ourselves.

Check out our entire November newsletter focused on Collaboration here.

CollaborationKristi HornerNovember 26, 2024Forgiveness, Gratitude, Managing Perceptions, Compare and Despair

Practice Compassion, Not Comparison

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”

– Wendy Mass (also attributed to Plato and others)

We love the quote above, and we use it a lot. For me, this quote is a great connector, encouraging compassion and empathy, urging us to treat others with unconditional kindness and understanding.

But what if we showed ourselves the same kind of compassion? In our efforts for self-improvement, we can sometimes fall into the trap of compare and despair. We look at others and focus on areas where we feel we are lacking. This type of distorted thinking can lead to depression, anxiety, shame, jealousy, self-criticism, low self-esteem, and low self-confidence. Yet, if we take a moment to practice some self-compassion – realizing that we are no better or worse than anyone else fighting their own battles – we can begin to treat ourselves with the same kindness and encouragement that we give to others.

CollaborationKristi HornerNovember 14, 2024Compare and Despair

NOVEMBER 2023 Newsletter: Collaboration ... We are better TOGETHER

"Connection is the energy that is created between people when they feel seen, heard and valued - when they can give and receive without judgment." ~ Brené Brown

As human beings we are hard-wired for collaboration. Our brains have a need to connect with others in order to thrive. Throughout November we focused on learning to say no, managing perceptions, compare and despair, as well as forgiveness and gratitude all as ways to collaborate.

As caregivers, we often feel isolated and alone in our caregiving. The journey as a mental illness caregiver is especially lonely, as we feel it isn’t OUR story to tell - it’s our loved one’s story of living with mental illness (or other chronic or serious illness).

As caregivers, we often feel judged or shamed for our actions (or lack of actions) - and this makes it hard to connect with those we feel "don't understand" or in relationships where we don't feel safe sharing – or being vulnerable – as our most authentic true selves.

Courage to Caregivers brings together caregivers and has created a community of CARE. A place where you’ll never feel alone in your caregiving again. Where you are accepted for who you are (and that's SO much MORE than "just" your caregiving responsibilities).

We are here to support you - as a caregiver - as YOU - in your personal growth journey towards greater health and well-being. 💙 When you take care of yourself (too), you provide better care to those you love.

As caregivers - we can support each other. Remember, you are never alone. We are here for you in your journey of caring. We're SO serious about this - that during the Holidays we've added daily weekday availability to "Meet Up" via Zoom. See article below for all the details!

5 TOOLS TO CONNECT WITH COURAGE

BE PRESENT: Turn off your notifications and devices; take a break from your to-do lists.
ACTIVE LISTENING: Notice your body language - listen to understand (not to respond).
BE VULNERABLE: Be your authentic true self.
BE EMPATHETIC: Empathy is NOT sympathy. Empathy is feeling "with" another person. Put yourself in the other person's shoes.
ASK FOR WHAT YOU NEED: Be specific - people want to support you! Keep a list handy so you're always ready for "how can I help you?"

Check out our entire November newsletter focused on COLLABORATION here.

Focus on the “Best of” You

"Comparison is the thief of JOY." ~ Theodore Roosevelt

It’s not often that our topic for the week is all about an unhealthy thinking style. But the inclination to compare and despair is so common and seemingly natural for us that we need to recognize it for exactly what it is: a type of distorted thinking that can lead to depression, anxiety, shame, jealousy, self-criticism, low self-esteem, and lack of self-confidence. So it’s definitely something we need to address whenever we find ourselves falling into its trap.

CollaborationKristi HornerNovember 16, 2023Compare and Despair

November Newsletter: Collaboration ... We are Better TOGETHER

"Connection is the energy that is created between people when they feel seen, heard and valued - when they can give and receive without judgment." ~ Brené Brown

As caregivers, we often feel isolated and alone in our caregiving.

The journey as a mental illness caregiver is especially lonely, as we feel it isn’t OUR story to tell - it’s our loved one’s story of living with mental illness (or other serious illness).

As caregivers, we often feel judged or shamed for our actions (or lack of actions) - and this makes it hard to connect with those we feel "don't understand" or in relationships where we don't feel safe sharing – or being vulnerable – as our most authentic true selves.

Courage to Caregivers brings together caregivers and has created a community of CARE. A place where you’ll never feel alone in your caregiving again. Where you are accepted for who you are (and that's SO much MORE than "just" your caregiving responsibilities).

We are here to support you - as a caregiver - as YOU - in your personal growth journey towards greater health and well-being. 💙 When you take care of yourself (too), you provide better care to those you love.

Check out the November newsletter here focus on our theme of Collaboration here.

Learning to Share and Not Compare

It's that time of year ... again. The hustle and bustle of the Holidays. We cram a lot into the last few weeks of every year, don't we?

Building resilience is no fun. It's hard and complicated. It has growing pains and is oftentimes filled with mistakes and wrong turns. Life is not always sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns - I know that, yet, I don't have to like it. We don't get to feel joy, happiness, contentment, pride, and peace without also feeling sadness, guilt, shame, embarrassment, and disappointment. We're human - and come with the full spectrum of emotions. These are normal reactions to (mostly) normal situations.

I haven't written a long newsy Christmas letter for many, many years. Maybe this will be the year I find the courage to start again? Maybe someone out there needs to know that in their story of pain and heartache ... they're not alone. Or another caregiver out there needs to know that caregiving is hard, and long, and you can get weary ... and, they are enough.

Today I will remind myself that I am enough. YOU are enough, too.

CollaborationKristi HornerNovember 17, 2022Compare and Despair

Collaboration ... We are Better TOGETHER - November 2021 Newsletter

As human beings, we are hard-wired to connect - for COLLABORATION. Our brains have a NEED to connect with others in order to THRIVE.

Collaboration also can help caregivers move from SURVIVAL mode to THRIVAL mode.

THRIVAL is defined in the urban dictionary as "looking beyond your soul into the deepness of society's problems; sacrificing yourself and going beyond one's comfort zone in order to help the people around you."

I've met a lot of caregivers over the years - all of them are on a journey ... and it is definitely one of THRIVAL. But at Courage to Caregivers, we recognize that you may feel as though you’re languishing when you start out on your journey. That’s why we’ve added the concept of self-care to our own definition of THRIVAL. Our programs work to support caregivers in THRIVING, too.

Join us and find out how you, too, can move from languishing to flourishing - it's possible to THRIVE as a caregiver.

Read the full newsletter here.

How Do You Compare to You?

’Tis the season for thanking and giving, but like it or not, it’s also the season for comparing and despairing. When we get together with friends and family members that we haven’t seen for some time, it can be easy to compare ourselves to others with regard to money, success, style, confidence, or any number of ways we might think we are lacking.

CollaborationKristi HornerNovember 23, 2021Compare, Compare and Despair, Collaboration