How Do You Compare to You?
’Tis the season for thanking and giving, but like it or not, it’s also the season for comparing and despairing. When we get together with friends and family members that we haven’t seen for some time, it can be easy to compare ourselves to others with regard to money, success, style, confidence, or any number of ways we might think we are lacking.
Although some comparison and friendly competition can be healthy – it can be a motivator for positive change, growth, and improvement, for example – there is a fine line between healthy and unhealthy comparisons. Jealousy, envy, dissatisfaction, guilt, remorse, and despair are just some of the feelings that can be brought on when comparisons are unhealthy. All of these feelings tend to focus attention on what’s important to others instead of what’s really important – to YOU.
If you find yourself falling into this trap, during the holidays or any time throughout the year, here are some ways to reduce your “compare and despair” behavior:
Recognize your jealousy and own your feelings. Feel the feeling without acting on it.
Explore the aspirations and desires behind the jealousy. What steps can you take to fulfill your own dreams, instead of feeling envy that others are living theirs?
Understand that your idea of happiness is unique to you. Connect to your own life purpose and goals, instead of replacing them with something that just appears to be better.
Compare yourself to YOU, instead of to others. Where were you one year, five years, or 10 years ago? How are you wiser, happier, or more content today? Recognize your growth.
Practice gratitude (as we discussed last week). A daily gratitude list can help you stay grounded to your own blessings.
Most importantly, be accepting of yourself. When we accept our flaws, we recognize that we are human and constantly in a state of change and growth. By accepting ourselves as we are and identifying the unique combination of qualities and strengths that make us who we are, we are building our self-esteem. Let’s end the self-criticism, self-shame, and self-judgment once and for all.
Remember the Zen saying: “A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.” Instead of comparing yourself to others, identify your own goals – based on YOUR values and YOUR purpose. Then, chart your progress toward those goals, and watch yourself bloom!
You might be surprised to realize how far you already have come.