Focus on the “Best of” You
"Comparison is the thief of JOY." ~ Theodore Roosevelt
It’s not often that our topic for the week is all about an unhealthy thinking style. But the inclination to compare and despair is so common and seemingly natural for us that we need to recognize it for exactly what it is: a type of distorted thinking that can lead to depression, anxiety, shame, jealousy, self-criticism, low self-esteem, and lack of self-confidence. So it’s definitely something we need to address whenever we find ourselves falling into its trap.
It happens when we look at the lives of others and find ourselves lacking, whether it involves money, success, style, confidence, or any number of other things that we might desire in our lives. Social media just adds fuel to the fire of jealousy because we usually see only the “best of” scenes from other people’s lives, leaving us with feelings of dissatisfaction and being “less than” everyone else.
The truth is that everyone struggles at times, everyone has bad days, and everyone has their own flaws. Everyone also has different definitions of happiness and success.
Instead of making comparisons, we need to show ourselves self-compassion. We need to recognize that we all are imperfect, but we are also capable of growth and improvement. This type of thinking lets us bloom without trying to be something other than ourselves. It allows us to focus on the “best of” us.
Here are five tools that may help decrease comparison thinking:
NOTICE: Recognize and own your feelings of jealousy. Allow yourself to feel the feeling without acting on it.
DREAM: Explore the aspirations and desires behind your jealous feelings. What steps can you take to fulfill your own dreams, instead of feeling envy that others are living theirs?
BE SELF-AWARE: Recognize that your idea of happiness is unique to you. Connect to your own life purpose and goals, instead of replacing them with someone else’s goals that might be better for them but not necessarily for you.
RECOGNIZE YOUR GROWTH: Compare yourself to you, instead of to others. Where were you one year, five years, 10 years ago? How are you wiser, happier, and more content today
GRATITUDE: A daily gratitude list can help you stay grounded in your own blessings.
I’m a big fan of gratitude. Focusing on our own blessings can be a strong antidote to any jealousy or regret we might have when we think we’re missing out on something.
It all comes down to accepting ourselves as perfectly imperfect works in progress. By identifying the qualities and strengths that YOU possess, instead of trying to meet the expectations of others or follow in the footsteps of others, you can start down the path of self-growth that’s right for YOU.