Show Empathy and Compassion … For Yourself
Our topic this week puts an even newer spin on a relatively new concept – holding space. Caregivers are typically very good at holding space for others, which means being physically, mentally, and emotionally present for someone who needs us. What we want to talk about is holding space for yourself.
When we hold space for others, we allow them to feel their feelings. We commit ourselves to supporting them when they need our help. We give them our full attention, and we listen in a non-judgmental way.
Holding space for ourselves means doing the exact same things, for ourselves! I know this can be hard – to be fully present for ourselves and non-judgmental toward our own feelings – but we gain many benefits when we hold space for ourselves:
We make better decisions when we spend time truly thinking about what we want.
We give ourselves permission to trust our personal wisdom and intuition.
We create a safe environment that allows us to make mistakes.
We create a safe space for feeling and expressing complex emotions.
And we can prevent feelings of burnout and compassion fatigue by allowing ourselves to focus on our own needs.
Holding space for yourself means showing empathy and compassion to yourself, listening to and loving yourself, setting aside judgment and criticism of yourself, and accepting yourself. But it is important to remember that this does NOT mean avoiding urgent matters, focusing on your flaws, or shaming or blaming yourself in any way for your needs, wants, and desires.
If you find it hard to hold space for yourself, here are five tools that may help,inspired by this blog:
LET IT BE: Notice when it’s time to take a break. It’s OK to step away … to breathe … count to 10 … breathe some more … step into nature … do what you need.
BE STILL: Take time to intentionally slow down. Prioritize time to be still. Sit with yourself in the quiet.
REACH OUT: Ask for what you need. If it feels hard to hold space for yourself, ask a trusted friend to hold space for you.
FIND INSPIRATION: What or who inspires you? Is it someone else, a poem, a quote, a book, a podcast, a song? Borrow strength from others.
BE MINDFUL: Mindfulness is the ability to focus on the present moment while calmly recognizing and accepting your thoughts, feelings, and body sensations.
By taking the time to notice our feelings and our needs, and then moving toward supporting ourselves, we begin to hold space for ourselves. For us as caregivers, this may not be something that comes naturally, but YOU can be the person who begins this practice and passes it on to your loved ones.