The Wave of Emotions
One of our favorite visualization techniques is to think of emotions like waves in the ocean. They’re always coming and going … they’re neither good nor bad … and they don’t last long. Some emotions may make us feel uncomfortable, but if we view them like waves, it can be easier to let go of them. Watch them go away like the waves going back out to sea.
Inhale … exhale … let go.
Now you have freed up space in your mind and heart that you can fill with positive and helpful feelings such as happiness, contentment, hope, and excitement.
That little exercise is one way of regulating emotions.
The concept of Emotional Regulation is used in the teachings of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) and means “taking any action to alter the intensity of an emotional experience.” This does not mean we should avoid or suppress our emotions but rather that we should focus on controlling them.
There are three steps to emotional regulation according to DBT: 1) Recognize and name the emotion. 2) Decrease emotional vulnerability by practicing mindfulness to let the intensity go and avoiding circumstances that would exacerbate the emotion. 3) Decrease emotional suffering by finding ways to invoke more positive and satisfying emotions (such as taking a bath, going for a drive, watching a movie, etc.)
Regulating our own emotions is so important for caregivers because so much is out of our control. We can’t control other people or their emotions, feelings, or actions. We can ONLY control OUR emotional response to others.
This knowledge led me to my intention for 2023 to be more present – to remind myself daily that while those around me might have emotions that are heightened – I do NOT need to MEET them in a similar heightened emotional state.
And I’ve found that remembering our 7 C’s (adapted from the 3 C's of recovery) can help regulate emotions:
I didn’t cause it.
I can’t cure it.
I can’t control it.
I can’t change it.
YET, I can have courage and compassion, and I can COPE.
Being mindful can give you the time to connect with your emotions – what you feel, why you feel it, and what you want to do with that feeling. It doesn’t mean trying to avoid negative feelings or pretending they don’t exist. It means remembering that your emotions don’t control you. YOU can control your emotions!