An Ocean of Compassion … for Me and for You
This week, our month’s theme of mindfulness brings us to the topic of self-compassion. And we can think of no better source to rely on for wisdom and advice on this subject than Dr. Kristin Neff, co-founder of the Center for Mindful Self-Compassion.
“Having compassion for oneself is really no different than having compassion for others,” Dr. Neff says.
And since we caregivers are great at having compassion for others, we should also be good at having compassion for ourselves, right? Yet, while many of us have no trouble feeling compassion for the pain and suffering of others, we have a hard time doing the same for ourselves when we are struggling and in need.
Self-compassion becomes so hard because we are so focused on the needs of our loved one that we let our own needs and feelings take a back seat. What we fail to realize is that compassion is unlimited, and caregivers deserve it just as much as anyone else.
As Dr. Neff points out in this wonderful meditation, we can think of compassion as being “like the waves of an ocean washing in and washing out – an ocean of compassion – more than enough for me and more than enough for you.”
Self-compassion provides us “the ability to care for others without losing ourself,” Dr. Neff says. “It is crucial that caregivers learn how to validate and give compassion to their own stress and empathic pain in order for them to have the resources to continue to help.”
Ways to increase our self-compassion include positive self-talk; noticing what might be causing us NOT to be compassionate with ourselves; balancing our self-criticism with self-compliments; remembering that we are not alone; and focusing on progress over perfection. We are trying our best to make progress, and every try is an opportunity for growth.
Dr. Neff suggests that we should think about having compassion for ourselves in the same way that we have compassion for others. First, we must notice that they (we) are suffering; then, we feel moved by the suffering so that our heart responds to their (our) pain; and when this occurs, we desire to help them (us) in some way. When we feel compassion for others and ourselves, rather than mere pity, we “realize that suffering, failure, and imperfection is part of the shared human experience," she says.
She also notes that self-compassion is both tender and fierce. It’s like “Momma Bear who ferociously protects her cubs when threatened.” You can find guided practices and more information on fierce self-compassion here.
Self-compassion is a component of self-love, where we recognize our own worth and value and extend kindness to ourselves as we would extend it to others. Show YOURSELF some compassion today.