You Deserve Some Space, Too

“Only when I am present for myself and compassionate with myself will I be prepared to host with strength and courage.” – Heather Plett

To introduce this week’s topic, here are some insights from How to Hold Space for Yourself First, an article by Heather Plett: “What does it mean to hold space for someone else? It means that we are willing to walk alongside another person in whatever journey they’re on without judging them, making them feel inadequate, trying to fix them, or trying to impact the outcome. When we hold space for other people, we open our hearts, offer unconditional support, and let go of judgment and control.”

What if we could do that for OURSELVES? Let go of judgment and control and give ourselves a huge dose of self-love, self-forgiveness, and self-compassion. As caregivers, we’re good at holding space for others, but we’re not always good at holding space for ourselves.

Holding space for yourself means being fully present and non-judgmental – allowing yourself to feel your feelings, ask for help, or do things that make you feel uncomfortable or vulnerable. This may not come naturally to us, especially if we’ve never been encouraged to tend to our inner world or haven’t seen examples of others who do so.  

But it’s easy to start with a bit of quiet and a lot of noticing – by taking the time to notice how we feel and what our needs are, and then taking steps to support and hold space for ourselves.  
Here are three tools that may help:

  1. LET IT BE. Notice when it’s time to take a break. It’s OK to step away – to breathe – count to 10 – breathe some more – step into nature – and do what you need.

  2. REACH OUT. Ask for what you need. If it feels hard to hold space for yourself, ask a trusted friend to hold space for you.

  3. BE MINDFUL. Mindfulness is the ability to focus on the present moment while calmly recognizing and accepting your thoughts, feelings, and body sensations. It means being aware of where you are and what you’re doing while not being overly reactive or overwhelmed by what is happening around you.

By holding space for those we love, we are telling them that they are supported unconditionally. Taking the words of Heather Plett as inspiration, you can also hold space, open your heart, offer unconditional support, and let go of judgment and control for YOURSELF. This not only helps you grow, but it also enables you to dedicate your whole, empowered self for the benefit of both you and your loved one.