You Have the Right to Say “No”
“Saying NO can be the ultimate self-care.” ~ Claudia Black
This week’s topic involves one of the most courageous actions you can take: saying no.
Caregivers often get pulled in many different directions, and we may discover that some things just aren’t “right” for us to take on at this point in our lives. In those cases, we need to learn to say no. Saying no helps us establish and enforce healthy boundaries on our time, energy, and space, to ensure that we can put our best selves forward for those who need us, and for ourselves. Failure to hold firm to these boundaries can leave us feeling overburdened and overcommitted.
There are many reasons why we might find it difficult to say no. We might fear conflict with another person. We might think we will lose another person’s love if we deny their request. We might fear punishment or rejection. Or maybe we just don’t want to hurt or disappoint others by not doing something that they ask us to do.
But we need to remember that saying no is always a choice that is available to us, no matter how difficult it might be. In many situations, saying no may be the best path to take, and it often requires COURAGE to go down that path.
Setting healthy boundaries and having a strong self-worth can help give us the courage to say no. Healthy boundaries are limits and rules we set for ourselves within our social and familial interactions to ensure that we don’t become overburdened. Self-worth is linked to the value we place on ourselves, regardless of the feelings or comments of others.
Here are five tools that may help you say no (and have a better idea of when to say yes):
Identify your core values. What’s most important to you? Your values will guide you in setting your priorities, and they will motivate you to do your best, which will lead you to your best YES!
Start small with “micro-no’s”. The more you practice, the easier it will become to say no.
Find out what fills your soul. What things bring you joy? Those are your best “yesses.”
Don’t apologize for saying no. There should be nothing to feel bad about when you say no. You’re just protecting your boundaries. You also don’t need to explain yourself. “No” is a complete sentence.
Choose self-compassion and self-love. When you say no and find your best yes, you’re sending a message (to yourself and others) that you value YOU.
A happy bonus of learning to say no is that you also learn when it’s best to say YES! This allows you to focus only on those things that help YOU – and your relationships – grow.