A Message for You and Your Support Network

This week’s topic applies not only to caregivers but also to the people who support them. And it reminds me of something we refer to all of the time – the “ripple effect” of caregiving. If the person we care for, living with mental illness, is a pebble tossed into the water, we are that first ripple of support, and then more ripples are created around us to include family members, friends, associates, professionals, and everyone else we turn to for support. Ultimately, these ripples are all part of the wave of support for the loved one we care for, but we also are affected by the ripples. 

As a caregiver, I have encountered many types of ripples. Sometimes, people would innocently inquire how it was going, but I would wonder if they really wanted to know what I or my loved ones were going through. And sometimes, my response would be met with something like, “Oh, you think THAT’s bad, let me tell you about what MY loved one did.” At our house, we call this the Trauma Olympics, and as my daughter says, “There is NO winner in the Trauma Olympics!” 

Which brings us to this week’s topic of holding space and holding silence. Holding space means being fully present for someone else and being non-judgmental. Holding silence means being an active listener, giving the other person our full attention without distractions, and really hearing what is being said rather than trying to formulate what we want to say in response.

There are times when the best thing we can do for our loved ones is just to be there for them and to listen. But as caregivers, we need someone to do that for us, as well. That’s why It’s so important to have people who we can count on to support us by being active listeners, refraining from judgment, and accepting our stories.

With hard work, I’ve come to realize that each of us has a trauma story. For years, I told myself that only victims of crime or violence experienced trauma, and that my story was something else. But as I deepened my understanding of trauma and Adverse Childhood Experiences, I learned that caring for someone with mental illness is its own type of trauma.

This movie about resilience also changed the course of my work and what we do at Courage to Caregivers. The movie focuses on understanding stress and the biology of HOPE. Both Jenny, our Director of Programs, and I have read, researched, and presented on this very topic because we aspire to provide the active listening YOU need to give you hope.  

We are so proud to be part of your support network.