Reality Check: There Are Many “Right” Solutions

This month’s theme is something we talk about a lot, relating to various topics. That’s because having a growth mindset is so important in our continuing efforts to improve ourselves and reach our full potential, whether it’s solving problems, meeting new challenges, or just trying something new.

And this week’s topic is about how a growth mindset requires us to keep our minds open and avoid thinking in extremes. Either/or thinking is often related to past trauma and can prevent us from seeing all of the possible solutions to a problem. We find ourselves using words like “always,” “never,” or “impossible,” and our thinking is limited to our own perspective – my way is the “right” way, and there is no other way.

When we respond by thinking in extremes, we experience a cognitive distortion that blocks us from building strong relationships and achieving personal growth. We can’t, or don’t want to, see the shades of gray that surround any difficult situation. In other words, we don’t see the world as it truly is.

To cultivate a growth mindset, we must recognize and challenge our cognitive distortions. The reality is that no single solution is the “right” solution. There are many ways to approach a specific problem and resolve it successfully.

There are also many paths we can take on our journey to personal growth. As long as we keep our minds open and avoid extreme thinking, we can choose a response from the many that are available to resolve a situation and help us grow.

In contrast to either/or thinking, the open-minded approach is called both/and thinking. We recognize that both our view and another’s view can co-exist. This allows us to build stronger relationships with others and to be more open to their perspectives and beliefs.

Here are some ways to encourage a healthier outlook and both/and thinking:

• Try to separate what you do from who you are. For example, a single poor performance at home or work doesn’t define your overall character.

• Try writing down possible options and their potential outcomes.

• Write short factual statements in your journal to remind yourself of options.

• Find out what other people think. Ask questions, and explore other perspectives to remind yourself that there are other ways to see the issue.

All of these actions allow you to step back, examine your options, and regain control. And then you can proceed on the path that YOU choose, rather than letting a situation control you.