Being There Can Make All the Difference

“Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” – Albert Camus

As caregivers, we’d love nothing more than to fix everything for our loved ones – to change the way things are or to take away their pain. But sometimes we forget that the most important thing we can do is just BE there for them.

This week’s dual topics of holding space and holding silence capture what it really means to be there and how we can help by active listening. Holding space involves being fully present in support of your loved one, showing empathy and compassion, listening and loving without expecting anything in return, setting aside judgment and criticism, and accepting their truth. Holding silence allows the other person to have our full attention without distractions, so that we can truly hear what is being said.
 
By holding space and silence for those we love, we show them that we support them unconditionally – that “it’s not about me, it’s about you.” When others do the same for us, we are comforted by the knowledge that we are strengthening our connections with them, and we can dive into a deeper realm of sharing emotions, experiences, and unconditional support.
 
For most of my life, I have thought of myself as a good listener. Yet, when I was supporting my brother through his struggles with mental illness, I learned something new about the power of listening. He was quick to point out that he wasn't asking for my opinion or advice. He just needed me to be there for him and to listen. I didn’t realize it at the time, but what he needed most was for me to hold space and hold silence.
 
I’m proud that this idea is also reflected in our Diversity and Inclusion Statement: “All caregivers are legitimate and valued here. Courage to Caregivers is committed to creating a community for our participants, volunteers and staff where each person feels safe, included and they belong. Our commitment to diversity, inclusion and belonging spans across race, national origin, religion, gender, or gender expression. We are committed to being a culturally competent organization with a focus on providing support that is based in trauma-informed care and appreciates the unique adverse childhood and other traumatic experiences encountered in life by participants, volunteers and staff alike.”
 
At Courage to Caregivers, we want to be a safe place where caregivers can find support from someone who is willing to hold space and hold silence for them. It truly is all about YOU.